Six Months in Haiku

I suffer from a little problem (among several major ones). I make an entry here only when I feel fabulously inspired and I think I have potential Pulitzer Prize-winning material at hand. This is not one of those times. So if you're expecting to read something clever or something you might be able to relate to, you're checking out the wrong blog. But if you're extraordinarily bored and/or have been wondering what I was up to over the last six months (hi, Nobody!), you've struck gold. However, I'm in no way guaranteeing that you will return to whatever you were doing feeling less bored/more intelligent after reading this.

So! As the title of this entry might suggest, I'm going to chronicle my last six months in Haiku form. Be warned, I have no idea what an actual Haiku is supposed to be like. They have something to do with randomly broken sentences about something Japanese, right? Seasons? Sushi? As I said, no idea. I'm going to try my hand at it in any case. This is your last chance to flee.

February:

My friend got married in the lovers' month

HOLY SH*T WILL I BECOME A CRAZY CAT LADY?!?

What a lovely ceremony it was.

March:

After I turned older,

Shifted to an exotic land

My clothes became shorter.

April:

Preparing college applications is not simple

Dear Bangkok, your climate sucks!

Wrote an uninspired statement of purpose.

May:

Rejoiced for I was back in Bangalore!

Returned after getting my work done.

Went back to collect my degree certificate.

June:

Played therapist to a host of friends

Got two rejects.

Who counsels the counselor?

July:

The tides are turning around

Alas, Our Own and Harry Potter no more!

Still undecided about my future.

You were warned.

I have no clue what that turkey has to do with anything. That's the image that was returned when I searched for "haiku". The turkey apologizes for any inconvenience caused. So there.

5 Reasons You Wish You Were A Mallu

Two things inspired me to write this. One is Cracked.com's awesome articles and the other is a Facebook status my friend Piggy put up recently -

"You don't meet MALLUS, they happen to you."

How true! My response to this was, "We aren't a community, we're a phenomenon. =D". That was just for styyyyyle but later because it made me think. Man, we are quite a phenomenon! Why? Because we're awesome, that's why! So let me present you with the tip of the iceberg of awesome that's us Malayalees a.k.a Keralites a.k.a Mallus. =D

5. Our Contribution to the World

We Mallus are everywhere. Go to just about any part of the world and I can pretty much guarantee that you will bump into one of my people there. There's a Mallu inside-joke (that has become totally outside now) which goes like when Man eventually decides to start living on the moon, he'll find that a Mallu is already there with his thattukada. For all you know, that could be a fact. =P

'There's no escaping (us) even on the moon'. =D

I think this is because we have tried our hand at everything out there. Britannia? Founded by a Mallu. MRF Tyres? Mallu. The Leela Group of Hotels? Set up by a romantic Mallu. Puravankara Builders? Mallus. Amul? The work of a Mallu. If India isn't starving to death today, it's thanks to a Mallu. LULU HYPERMARKETS AND SUPERMARKETS! Where would we be without that Mallu?!? KK, Arundhati Roy, Shankar Mahadevan, Vidya Balan, Dr. K.J Yesudas, Santosh Sivan aaaaalll Mallus! Oh and I don't care if A.R.Rahman identifies himself as a Tamilian, his origin traditionally lies in Palakkad; ergo, he's a Mallu. =P Forget all of them, we gave the world LOLA KUTTY!!!!

And our movies? MAN, they're the best! Unlike most other film industries, every 3rd Malayalam film does not have the same story. So what if our actors aren't, err, eye-candy per se? Mallu movies have some of the strongest scripts around. Hence, it's not one bit surprising to any Mallu that our movies are being stolen left, right and centre. Of course, this isn't to say that we don't do the same, but the balance seriously tilts in our favour. Oh and when we say the original version is so much better, we aren't being jingoistic; if you could watch and understand the original you would know what we're talking about. ;)

Some might say that the Jews are secretly running the world but what does Some know? Mallus are running the world and how!! =P

4. We're Fun!

There is more than a little bit of crazy in every Mallu. We're not normal. Oh no, I would never say we are. We're the people who speak so loudly on the phone that the instrument is rendered useless. (Mallus - 1. Technology - 0) We're the big, fat gang of Aunties in any jewellery/Sari shop. We're the people behind the originals of all those mad comedy movies you love. Our family get-togethers are nothing short of a palooza! Someone's shouting somewhere, someone's laughing, some aunty will be harassing the young 'uns about finding a nalla chekkan/pennuh and settling down, someone's watching Asianet News about Mallus spending a record-breaking (-setting?) amount of money on alcohol in 24 hours... Basically, we're loud, annoying, fun-loving, somewhat insane, gossip-mongers and we love our booze.

"A Mallu Yinvitation"

Ok, maybe we're effing cuckoo more than a little crazy

But we do know how to laugh at ourselves and everything in general. The first pic in this entry is from a Malayalee site. I'm not even gonna get started on the great Lola Kutty. We have a fantastic sense of humour and this in turn makes us some genuinely fun people to chill with. Everybody loves a Mallu friend! =D

3. We're Not 'Developing'; We're 'Developed', Yo!

We might not be the richest state in the country (although we do go to the Gelf and/or to Ameryka, make truckloads of meney and send it all to Malluland) but do we know how to stretch a rupee or what! People call us stingy, kanjoos, whatnot but guess who's having the last laugh. =D

If it's a nurse, it's a Mallu

We have India's highest Human Development Index rating. UNICEF and WHO crowned Malluland as the world's first "baby-friendly" state. We have the best ratings in primary level education, health care, elimination of poverty, literacy, life expectancy, oh I could go on. Thanks to all of these factors, we're on par with the developed countries of the world. American environmentalist William McKibben put it best -

"Kerala, a state in India, is a bizarre anomaly among developing nations, a place that offers real hope for the future of the Third World. Though not much larger than Maryland, Kerala has a population as big as California's and a per capita annual income of less than $300. But its infant mortality rate is very low, its literacy rate among the highest on Earth, and its birthrate below America's and falling faster. Kerala's residents live nearly as long as American or Europeans. Though mostly a land of paddy-covered plains, statistically Kerala stands out as the Mount Everest of social development; there's truly no place like it."

Kerala is one place where I haven't seen people use public property like their very own private toilet as opposed to other Indian cities. Could be that I didn't observe enough, but I do know that it isn't half as bad as the shithole road near my hostel in Bangalore. X(


Life's good in sunny Malluland, mone! =D


2. Mallu Babes

There is a group on Facebook that got it right. Mallu babes are indeed hot like our ammas' meen curry. What's not to love about a Mallu chick (even if I do say so myself =P)? If a girl is a Mallu, you can rest assured that she is intelligent (book-smart or otherwise), talented (we are skilled in at least one art form - singing, dancing, artwork, writing - if not all), physically attractive (conventionally or unconventionally. If nothing else, chances are she's very, err, endowed. Bangin' bods be us. =P and hey, there are guys who totally go for that whole kinky curls scene. =P) and very aware of her cultural heritage. Think of three Mallu girls you know (I'm sure you know at least those many. We're all over the place, remember?). I daaaare you to tell me that they don't perfectly fit the bill.

Mallu babe

Also a Mallu babe

There are certain people who see a Mallu girl (guy too, I suppose) who doesn't look like their idea of a Malayalee and go all, "Ohmigoooood! You're a Mallu?? You don't look like a Mallu aaaaaaat aaaaaaaall! =D", conveying this in a tone that would imply they just called you the world's most beautiful creature. Slap them. And if you're one of those Mallus who said 'thank you' in reply, slap yourself. Now. Because that means they just said that you look nothing like a smart, talented, attractive, voluptuous (teehee!), overall awesome woman. =/ Doesn't sound like a compliment now, does it? ~_~

So yeah, Mallu ladies are all that. It's little wonder Kerala loves her women so much. =D

1. ONAM, B*****S!!!!

This point alone is reason enough for anyone to want to be a Mallu and for us Mallus to be insanely proud of our culture. This is our main festival. The sheer beauty of this festival lies in the fact that although it's rooted in Hindu mythology, it's celebrated by Mallus across all socio-economic and religious sects. Everyone, from the poorest fisherman chettan to the richest ammachi in town and all the ikkas and their kalbanu fatimas in between, celebrates Onam.

The story goes that waaaaaaaaay back when King Mahabali, a really nice demon(?!), was ruling over a kingdom called Kerala, the people prospered and flourished so much that the Gods got jealous of the perfect state of things in this kingdom on Earth. Something had to be done to restore the balance between Heaven and Earth. Blah blah blah. Stuff happens. Moral of the story: King Mahabali was a great hero and was granted the boon to come and visit his people (the Mallus!) once every year. So every year, Mallus all over the world dress up in their finest new clothes, binge-eat like crazy, make merry and have a blast to show their legendary ruler that all is well and that we Mallus are still rockin' a good time just like yore.

King Mahabali rocks (a paunch)!!

Onam is a festival that unites all Malayalees everywhere in celebrating the greatness of our land and our heritage. It doesn't matter if you're a Hindu, Muslim, Christian or a Jew (yes, we have Jews in Kerala). It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor, from a "high-class" or a "low-class". Onam binds us all together as Malayalees and as ones who are bloody proud of being so. =D

So all my Mallu people out there, raise a toast to the fact that you were born a Mallu! Don't ever be ashamed of your roots, you have a hell lot to be proud of.

As for the rest of you, you could go the Laurie Baker way or better luck next time. =P

P.S: This post is dedicated to my friends Custard and Jughead for always having been very proud of their Mallu heritage. Mad props to both of you! =D

Changes

I love changes, I really do. Put me in a routine of any kind and I'll feel like I'm dying a slow death of A.B Vajpayee talking as Himesh Reshammiya wails in the background. Mix things up a bit and I'm good to go. To make matters somewhat uncomfortable for me, I JUST CANNOT DEAL WITH CHANGES. It's simply not in my biological coding to adjust to changes in the right manner. Oh and did I mention that my life is filled with twists and turns?

Whenever any change takes place in my life, my body reflexively releases what I call Psycho Hormones(PH). Whether the change is for the better or for the worse, my PH factor goes close to infinite and I end up making a mountain out of a speck of dust. My brain somehow cannot register the fact that this too shall pass. Oh no. Instead it goes on an all out rampage, "AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! MUST!!! COPE!!!!".

Consider my previous two blog entries. I rant on and on about some unanticipated events. I was clueless as to how I was supposed to deal with them and then I went ballistic. Not once did I stop to think that maybe all this could work out for the better. Perhaps this might not be the end of the world as I know it. Heck, I even remember my mom trying to pacify me in the hospital, "Sometimes things go horribly wrong before they become perfect. For all you know, you might meet your friends sooner than you expect and with good reason.". Her words ended up being prophetic.

Right now, I'm at a very interesting place in my life. There are at least three different options in front of me. For now, I'll be going back (from The Land of Nothingness - Cochin) to Bangalore (The Land of EVERYTHING) to do something useful with all the free time at hand. Guess who I'll be meeting there? Yup, most of the friends I couldn't bid a farewell to. And cookies for anyone who figures out who I'll be staying with. =D

Five years ago, my life was going through all kinds of metamorphosis and I had no idea as to how to deal with all the things that were going on around me. So I tried to handle all the changes in the most efficient manner ever - I sulked. During a cribbing session while I was whining away to one of my then friends (now one of my best friends), she gave me some golden, goooolden advice, "Max, the only thing permanent in life is change.". Hmmm... Food for thought. Boring vegetarian food for thought. Tastes terrible but so good for you. =/ Apparently cribbing day-in and day-out wasn't the most effective way to cope in such situations (who knew?!)

With experience and age (Way to go, Max. Make yourself sound like an ancient granny.), I've figured out that change is indeed irritating essential. We may or may not see its significance immediately. We may or may not want it. But we certainly need it. The sooner we accept that, the better it works out for us. People walk in and out of our lives all the time. Sometimes we don't adapt immediately when a loved one leaves, we take our time to heal and to understand that the show must go on. At the other end of the spectrum, there are times we find that befriending a new person might be a little taxing but eventually that person steps right in making you wonder why life didn't introduce you to them sooner. Appreciating the challenges that change brings with it is by itself something that makes us stronger and more prepared. So no matter how high your PH factor is, if you confront the change head-on, you become content (and sane) that much more quickly. Besides, why would one want to be stuck in a boring old rut anyway?

Basically, this time around I feel a little more prepared to handle whatever life throws at me. Should I work now? Will I end up doing my Master's immediately? Or horror of all horrors, will I get married?!?!?! Well, whatever does end up happening, I think I can look forward to it bringing new episodes in my life that will teach me some optimism. After the last few months with all that had happened (things chronicled here and otherwise) I honestly didn't think I could be positive about my life in general. I don't care about what Murphy had to say. I'm ready. Bring on the changes, life. =)

The Lab Rat

The night of June 14th, I was admitted to a hospital to get my freak disease treated. At that point, I was just glad to know I'd have medical relief 24*7 to rid me of all that discomfort. The hospital ambience was not as bad as I expected it to be and I was just dying to get some sleep. 

The first few days (or was it hours?) were relatively all right. I was constantly on IV drip but since I have no fear of needles and no problems whatsoever with injections, it was fine. I had to get 6 injections every day and this was besides the minimum 1 litre of drip and the colourful oral antibiotics. Initially, it was all cool. Heck, I was happy even because lookie, no fever!

Back in my hostel, my friends started leaving one by one. I would ask my doctor every single day when I'd get discharged. His answer was constant, "You seem better today, so in a day or two! =D =D". His lieeessss would give me immense temporary joy and then drag me to the bowels of hell when the next day he would say the same darned thing. And I fell for it every time. And he always started his daily visit with a superb pep-talk. One such session was "One of my patients has had fever for over 2 months. Noooo idea why. Day before he showed signs of improvement and today again he's go a high temperature! I'm sick of all this! *exasperated*" o_O Fortunately, the nursing staff was really good.

Meow was leaving on the 19th, so I knew I had to get the hell out of there before that. My mum didn't want my friends to visit me because everyone around me was coughing, retching, gagging, sneezing what have you. Not like they'd have found the hospital anyway. It was in the heart of a maze-like residential area.

But my condition didn't improve, it worsened. On my 4th day there (18th June), my right palm was the size of a small melon and the fever and its friends came back fully charged. And hey! My Body decided it didn't like being bombarded with a truckload of chemicals every day. So what does it do? It rejects everything. It goes all grumpy and doesn't want to eat anymore either. My mum and I coaxed, begged and pleaded with it to eat at least a little, but no, My Body is a tantrum-throwing, demanding *insert expletive*. It wanted to eat everything it wasn't supposed to. And that was when I finally snapped.

That evening all my emotions caught up with me. The frustration of not getting better, the clautrophobia caused by being stuck within the same space every day, not getting to meet my friends who I wouldn't meet for a long time if not ever again, feeling guilty about the fact that my illness had my dad extremely worried and was exhausting to my mum who took all my whining without losing her patience and I couldn't even eat food I was craving for. When I think of it now it's rather funny because I started crying by saying, "I wannnntttt chiiiccckkkeeennn!! ='((((((" Even my mum found it a little hard to take me seriously right then. =P

Meow left the next morning. I didn't get to give her a proper farewell either. But that evening I got my first good news, I would get discharged on 21st.

When that moment of absolute bliss finally came I literally ran from the hospital (I wasn't supposed to exert myself in any way) with my hands spread out like I was flying while shrieking "I'm freeeeeeeee!!! Fresh airrrr!! The outside worrrrrrrrrlllldddd!!!!!!" I kid you not. My poor mum was a jumble of being super embarrassed to acknowledge that this was her creation, being genuinely happy to see that creation happy for the first time in many days and worried that the creation would have caused enough damage by running and shouting to take a U-turn and get back in immediately.

I learnt so many lessons in that one week. Things don't always go according to plan, no matter how short-term it may be. You have to face immense pain, both physical and emotional, to discover your strength. It's easier to say your goodbyes on the phone than in person. A half an hour one-time trip to the hospital early-on will most likely save you from  having to camp there. Messages from your friends and your parents' good sense of humour raise your spirits even when you're so sick that you struggle to blink.

Thank everything that's holy for my mum!! I'd have been stuck in that godforsaken place for at least 3 months more otherwise.

P.S: Three days after I was discharged, I had to visit that motivational talker of a doctor again for a follow-up. That went well, I was perfectly all right. Right before my mum and I left, we heard him tell another doctor, "We tried out a new medicine on her. We couldn't try it out till now but she was the perfect case! This means it works, huh? =D"

o_O

Yeah.. The title of this entry is "o_O". That is because nothing describes my last 2 months better than "o_O". And yes, I'm back to writing here.

When I started this blog I had anticipated my 8th semester to be filled with adventures, escapades, elaborate farewells, whatnot because that's how people had defined the tail-end of their college lives to me. In my case, NOTHING prepared me for all that happened since my last blog entry.

Towards the end of May, I started getting this really high recurring fever. My roomie, let's call her Meow, would keep telling me to go to the doctor. But I have this strong aversion towards hospitals so I just avoided the whole thing. Plus, this fever was super weird. I'd be DYING one day but absolutely fit for the next few days. We had our final exams. I wrote two papers pretty much without studying, thanks to the aforementioned fever.

Before we knew it, the exams were over. My girls and I decided that we'd all vacate the hostel together but before we did that we'd celebrate our last fortnight or so together. What was on my agenda? Take crazy photos all over the hostel, go to a studio and get decent pics taken with Meow, have at least one awesome night out with the girls, meet up with my college friends, go one last time to all the places Meow and I covered in B'lore over the last four years and for the grand finale, a super duper farewell to all my friends before I left. I wanted to leave before my friends so that I wouldn't have to be faced with the heartbreak of sending them off.

Sounds good, right? Yeah I know.

The first thing we decided to do was the night out plan. Everyone gets permission. This was perfect!! All of us together! So much of fun! Yay!! What could possibly go wrong in this picture of love and happiness? I was thrilled to bits!!!

D-day finally arrived. That evening while bathing, I thought I would die a very embarrassing death. There I was shampooing my hair and shivering like someone was passing high current through me. I was so sure I would collapse right there and Meow (or worse, the warden) would have to break open the door and rescue a desperately-trying-to-protect-my-modesty me. Even after this, I still wanted to go out that night. But by the time I finally got out I was shaking like I had fits. And there you go, I had to miss the party and stay back sulking the night away. So ok, I better get my sorry butt to the doc tomorrow.

A million tests and 3 hospitals later all the medical professionals concluded that they had no idea of what they were dealing with and so decided to give the medication of Typhoid and Malaria. =/ Next thing I know I've been admitted to a hospital for as long as it takes for me to recover. Admitted to a hospital . During the last. Few. Days. Of. My. Hostel. Life. o_O

Useless Blog

When I started this blog, I had hoped to chronicle the last few months of my engineering college life. Well, so much for that. I had THE most underwhelming semester and in 4 months I made NO entry that had anything to do with my hostel or college life. Thank you very much. FIN.

Lessons

Anger. It destroys.

Beauty. It's perspective.

Courage. It overcomes fear.

Dignity. It's all that matters.

Experience. It teaches.

Fear. It can make or break you.

Gain. It's not everything.

Heartbreak. It kills.

Inspiration. It's all around.

Joy. It's in the little things.

Knowledge. It's power.

Love. It defies logic.

Music. It's magic.

Nature. It has the final word.

Oddity. It's required.

Potential. It's in everyone.

Question. It leads to solutions.

Respect. It's earned.

Sanctimony. It's a plague.

Thought. It defines.

Unity. It's possible.

Vanity. It alienates.

Weakness. It can be overcome.

Xanadu. It's anywhere harmony is.

You. It's the beginning and the end.

Zest. It's essential.

Just some lessons I learned over the years...